


perhaps, our stars are aligned in another lifetime

by afflatus



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Heavy Angst, M/M, Unnamed female character - Freeform, mark is getting married
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-18
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2019-08-25 13:46:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16662091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/afflatus/pseuds/afflatus
Summary: Jaemin wants to rewrite the stars but Mark knows that no one can rewrite the stars. Perhaps, their stars are aligned in another lifetime.





	perhaps, our stars are aligned in another lifetime

**Author's Note:**

> this is dedicated to everyone out there who is hurting because love is simply not enough to make it work with someone. this is dedicated to those who have lost someone they love dearly simply because it is not meant to be.

Heartache.

The thing about heartache is, it does not occur all at once. First, numbness would spread throughout your heart, trying to protect you from the pain. You would be in denial at first, convincing yourself that this does not hurt you, that this does not have any effect on you at all.

You are wrong.

Slowly, you begin to realise that the pain is there and you welcome it, closing your eyes as you let the hurt manifest inside of you. You leave the pain be, not knowing how to deal with it. How does one deal with heartache? How does one fix a broken heart, really? Is there even any way to ease the pain?

Then, the next step is bound to happen. You would feel the tears well up in your eyes and soon enough, your breathing gets heavier as the pain in your chest would be too much for you to bear that it has begun to asphyxiate you. You feel suffocated and you try to remind yourself to breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out, multiple times.

Eventually, the final step comes. You would blink the tears away and let the pain remain inside your heart, promising yourself that it would get better, that you would pick up all the broken pieces of your heart and glue them all back together. It will get better, you believe.

Na Jaemin takes in a deep shaky breath before letting it out slowly. He wills his tears away, not wanting to burst into tears right at this moment. He takes in the sight before him and he could only smile bitterly. Mark is leaning against the railing of the bridge, looking at him with so much sadness and longing in his eyes.

Jaemin walks over and rests his arms on the railing, choosing to avoid the older male’s gaze. Instead, he looks up towards the stars. There are not many stars tonight. Only a couple of them yet he finds that the scenery before him is able to calm him down albeit slightly.

“I guess this is goodbye, then,” Mark says quietly, breaking the silence between them.

The younger male closes his eyes and takes in another breath. His whole body is shaking, he realises when he opens his eyes. The other male notices it too and he steps forward as if to wrap his arms around his body, like he used to all those times ago. However, as if he realises that this is truly the end and embracing a former lover would only bring more pain, Mark refrains himself.

A slight noise of frustration escapes Jaemin’s lips. He whips his head to look at the older male pleadingly. “Mark, _please_ ,” he begs. Unable to hold back his tears anymore, the waterworks finally stream down his cheeks. Jaemin lets them be. Let Mark know how much this is hurting him. Maybe, then, the older male would change his mind.

“Jaemin, _please_ ,” it is Mark’s turn to plead. Tears begin to form in his eyes too and Jaemin wishes that things were different.

Jaemin remembers all the times he spent in Mark’s arms. He thinks back about the times they lay in their sheets with their legs tangled while whispering sweet nothings into each other’s ears. He thinks of the times they went on dates. Their dates varied from going to fancy restaurants to simply eating dinner that they cooked, mostly Jaemin because Mark cannot cook for shit, on the rooftop while stargazing.

Those were beautiful times and Jaemin’s heart aches at the thought of all those memories. He remembers the misunderstandings they had, the fights, the raised voices and the making up. Despite their differences, they would always, one way or another, find their way back in each other’s arms.

Mark is his home. He does not think he would ever be able to live without the older male by his side. Mark is his anchor. When things go wrong, he would look for Mark’s hand to squeeze and instantly feel better. Mark is his whole world. He sees stars in the older male’s eyes and he knows that he would always love him.

“It’s not too late,” Jaemin whispers hoarsely. “We could still run away, Mark. You don’t have to do this. You don’t have to marry her. You can choose to run away with me and start over in a different country. Please, Mark.”

The older male smiles bitterly in response and his shoulders droop as if he has been defeated. “You said you’d fight for us,” Jaemin continues as more tears begin to fall. “Fight for me, then. Fight to be with me. You said you loved me.”

“I did,” Mark admits. “I still do.”

“Then, what’s so hard about choosing to be with me? We could rewrite the stars together. Your parents don’t get to decide the person you’re marrying. It’s up to you, Mark. It’s up to me. It’s up to _us_.”

For the first time during the whole time Jaemin has known Mark, the older male finally cracks. Tears spill from his eyes and Jaemin’s heart swells even further, wishing he could make the love of his life smile instead of cry.

“Do you think I don’t want to run away with you?” Mark’s voice breaks as he voices out his inner thoughts. “I think of you every single day of my fucking life and all I could think about is you in my arms, your lips, your smile, your eyes and just _you, you, you_.”

“Do you think that I don’t think of you every single time I see her? Do you think that I don’t wish the person that I’m marrying is you instead of her? I love _you_ , Na Jaemin. Not her. I love you so fucking much, you have no fucking idea, really,” Mark bursts out, wiping his tears away though it is to no avail. The tears keep on coming.

“Then why? Why do you still want to go through with the wedding?” Jaemin asks, his voice small. He dreads to hear the answer. He knows that this would only break his heart even further. Mark and he are not meant to be, he knows that. He knows that the moment that they met.

Mark has a fiancée, Jaemin knew that the moment he laid his eyes on the older male. The promise ring on his finger said it all. However, he also knew that the older male was unhappy with the arrangement. It did not take long, really, for the two of them to fall in love. At that time, Mark and his fiancée had come to an agreement that they could see other people before getting married. It is, after all, an arranged marriage that the two of them have not given their consent to. It is part of the deal. After the wedding, the two of them would have to stay loyal no matter what.

Back then, Jaemin believed with the whole of his heart that someday, Mark would break off the engagement. It was delusional, he realises now, because Mark has always been a noble person. Mark is a filial son and he would never go against his parents.

“Because love is simply not enough, Jaemin,” Mark answers, at last.

As expected, his heart cracks even further as soon as he hears it. More tears rush to his eyes and his vision gets blurry.

“I love you with the whole of my heart, Na Jaemin,” Mark goes on, his tears are slowly coming to a stop. “I have never lied about that. I loved you, I love you and I will always love you. I want to be with you, we both know that. Hell, _everyone_ knows that. It’s not exactly a secret, you know.” He chuckles bitterly.

What Mark said is true. The moment their relationship began, they let all of their friends know. Mark had never bothered to hide it from his family, either. His parents knew and so did his fiancée. They did nothing about it because his parents did not care because in the end, their son would marry the girl of their choice. His fiancée had never minded because she had a boyfriend of her own that she was not willing to give up yet.

“But I have responsibilities,” Mark concludes. “I’m taking over Dad’s company and I’m their only son. They need an heir, and another heir after me, and another, and another. I can’t run away with you just because of love. I have my parents to think about. They have never once mistreated me. They sacrificed a lot for me and I know that they want me to be happy. That is why they’ve never coerced me into doing anything I don’t want to. The only thing they ask from me is this arranged marriage, Jaemin. As much as I despise it, as much as I want to be with you, as much as I wish things weren’t this way, I can’t let them down.”

Jaemin laughs because this whole thing is ludicrous. The truth is, he already knew what he signed up for when he dated Mark. He knew that he would never be able to keep Mark because he is already promised to another. He knew that having Mark is impossible. Deep down, he knew that their love was beyond hopeless.

But still, he had hoped. He hoped for it to turn out differently. He hoped for the ending of their story to be different. He hoped that their love would not end this way. It is not Mark’s fault, really. The older male had never given him any false hopes. All these delusions come from him and his own mind.

Then, Mark pulls him close and wraps his arms around Jaemin’s waist. He brings a hand up to cup Jaemin’s cheek gently before closing the distance between their lips. Jaemin’s eyes flutter shut as he responds to the kiss. He moves his lips slowly against Mark, savouring the moment between them, not wanting it to end.

Just for tonight, they could still belong to each other. Tomorrow, Mark is getting married to someone he does not love, someone he does not intend to love. As for tonight, the two of them could spend their last time together before things have to change.

“Perhaps, if we were to meet in another life, or maybe, someday, if we were to meet again, we could be each other’s soulmates,” Mark whispers into his ear when they pull away from the kiss to catch their breath. “No one can rewrite the stars, Jaemin, but maybe our stars are aligned in another lifetime.”

They stay like that for the rest of the night; Jaemin in Mark’s arms on a bridge in the middle of nowhere. The two of them spend their last night as lovers staring at the stars that slowly fade away with the night sky.

The night has ended and tomorrow has come. It is time to say goodbye.

Reluctantly, Jaemin unclasps Mark’s arms around him and walks away, wishing that his tears would dry up soon enough.

Maybe, someday, this heartache will subside.

 

 


End file.
